desiredisgwen on Xanga

desiredisgwen
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: gwen Interests: shopping, dancing, changing my hair color, meeting new people, music,music, i LOVE music...nine inch nails, orgy, otep, manson, stabbing westward, eve 6, everclear, ozzy, the list can go on and on Message: message me AIM: desiredisgwen Member Since: 11/26/2004

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Friday, November 26, 2004

i feel really totally utterly uninspired... when did my muse die? and what did she/he die of? i'm not even sure aforementioned muse ever existed at all... i guess i'm my own muse... and i'm not very inspirational and motivating, it seems... i did absolutely nothing all day long... it makes me wonder just how empty my life is... but i'm sure all around the world, there are similiar jobless humans just wasting away... that thought doesn't give me much solace, though... the thought that calms my notions of worthlessness cos of my joblessness is that jobs are just as meaningless as anything else in life, if not more so... it's just a means of "surviving" in the modern world... money, it's all about money, that's what we all must remember... the one law we all must live by... that money is golden and the pragmatic means of sustaining your physical body... so, yeah, no job for me, but that doesn't make me any less or more trite and inane 'en i already am...

...no food, no stimulus, no air... at least i've got water... that's a small constellation prize... why don't i just go down to the cafe and eat alone? what's the worst that could happen? i am such a sheep at times... mostly, i'm just wholly uninspired... why eat alone? i'm not even sure that i'm hungry... but the cafe is closing soon, so i won't go...

11:04 PM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Currently Playing
Absolution
By Muse
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...another exhaustive day... i awoke to the huge cacophanous start of bush's "warm machine" quite enjoyable... though, i kept waking up on and off through the night for some reason... weirdness... i'm feeling so rundown lately... it sucks... i keep sleeping and sleeping and finding no reprieve... no sexual dreams on the conscious horizon...my throat feels all raspified...like i chainsmoked a zillion cigars over a very short amount of time... or something... had a good day today... it's good to take your mind off of ppl and situations and dramas only i am living through... ppl don't understand... i don't understand ppl... so we all lose in the end... lose connection... disconnect... miscomprehend... just slaughter each other's thoughts... and yet i wonder, sit and ponder... what's it all for? and i realize, it was for nothing... cos i was made of nothing, i've lived the nothing, and i shall die the nothing... their atomic composition... i wish we all had great physics teacher to teach us just how trivial and empty we all are... and it's not anything abstract or philosophical... we really are composed of empty space, mostly... movement defining us... even as we define our selves... yes, i think i'm tired of trying...so i guess i have to calm my janky ass down at the moment...

11:04 PM - 4 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it